Friday, June 4, 2010

Standup routine excerpt.

So apparently, I think that I'm funny, too. You tell me.

since when did ladies stop wanting sixpacks?

as you can tell, I don't segue shit. probably should. there are a lot of things that I should do that I don't. Like situps. Not eating $100 of sushi with six beers by myself in a single sitting. Like buying bags of marshmallows, and then just eating them. Like a fat bitch. I just hope that I don't get tits. I'll kill myself. The only six pack that I have is in my fridge and filled with Smithwick's. Interesting though, because you ladies, seem to like this. I'm not a total worthless sack of ass, I still hit the gym, I just hit the buffet much, much, much harder. Thing is, you ladies, like this(presents). Hot damn.
When I was thin, I got ZERO play. I hit 360lbs, and I couldn't keep track of all the extra womens trying to take me out for dinner, get me all fat... er. I thought that maybe it was because of some other reason, but the past few years, all I hear about is how women don't want dudes with six packs- you want big arms, a smile and-
Oh, am I letting the cat out the bag? OOOPS!
Anyway, you want big arms, a smile, and you LIKE the belly. I'm gonna get assassinated by Richard Smileyface Simmons, because it's true, fine women, like dudes with bellies. When did ladies stop wanting six packs, because I have never dated a chick that would see me fresh from the gym and not tell me to lose too much. It's mystifying. Sir-Mix needs to come out with a new one; "you can do sidebends or situps, but
please don't lose that gut!"

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